sad sad day....visit him today....rainy day
today i pass my blaw n i gt higher than i expected it to be..suppose to be happy but i wasnt...i skip 2hrs tutorial to visit him...happy when i enter the room...i was sitting at the corner n when looking in the screen i know he cant sees me..but my thinking was it doesnt a matter whether he sees me anot..then he asked " who's that?" then baby replied "zj" then he said i cant sees her face i was so happy that he still wan sees my face..(perhaps im thinking too much)..hahahaha...n throughout the visit is like the 1st tine i went to see him..i didnt talk much as i said i feel uneasy about the last letter he wrote to me...n by juz looking at his face im very very contented liao...he asked " u don have school today meh? " then baby said i skip sch to visit him..n after awhile he asked " anything to say to me? if not, there is no more time liao.." then i said to him u didnt talk to me i don noe wat to say then he said he oso...he had slim down liao..he sais that the food reali..s*** hahaha..left about 30secs...i reali gt to urge to say i will wait for u n miss u soooo much..but i dare not...n my heart reali turn sour when baby says this to him..no matter wat u must tolerate n bear wif it..time passes very fast ok..eat more...at this moment, my heart was already crying like hell...n feeling like thousands of needles keep poking at my heart...the blood keeps on flowing out non-stop....
on my way home after the visit..raining heavily.....
i showed baby wat he wrote to me..in fact every single letter he wrote to me..i told her im reali sad when i read the last one then she told me..maybe he don wan to make any promises to me..n she oso said that so is it true????
i know when i gt home sis will ask me how i feel n hw the visit..when i said i reali started crying...i told her..i came home is becos i feel like im going to rain n i don wish to cry at sch...cos i don wan anyone to noe wat's wrong to him...n i noe ppl will give the type of reactions n i reali don like it...becos who they think they r to judge a ppl by its cover...i oso said that i feel pressurise when ppl ask do u hav bf??? cos i dont dare to say i still wait for him not becos of he is...but i just wan to protect him i don wan ppl make comments about him...maybe ppl may think that im very defensive..but who wont try to protect their love ones???? so hapi when baby said he didnt write to them so many but i receive 6 lo...after reaching home i took out my letter pad n started to write to him..i told him im happy wif his future planning n asked him to eat more n grow fat...hahaha..after raining at home i went to school for blaw tutorial...mr sim give out the ca paper..i gt higher than wat i expected...suppose to be happy but i dont...then during break he asked me who give 'daphne' this name n he start to say im aggressive...opps! this word 'aggressive' hits me...being aggressive n end up in today state..blah blah~ ~ flash across my mind....mood suddenly change n at presentation, i think my face shows everything clearly n i know he gt me wrong when he asked me im not happy if him ez??? n after the lesson i asked him about the last tutorial..he asked me whether ez he has offended me?? or by those guys during break?? or BGR??...argh~ ~ so paiseh..my eyes was filled with tears n ready to flow out..n i control it by stopping him..wah..i think i gave him a shock..he was concern n keep asking me m i alright??? thanks ar..such a caring cher!!!
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